Inter Miami’s Defensive Woes Reach Hilarious New Heights in Playoff Clincher
Another day, another defensive masterclass from Inter Miami… if by “masterclass” you mean “letting the other team score five goals.” In a match that felt more like a basketball game with its wild score swings, the Chicago Fire rolled into Chase Stadium and flambéed Miami’s backline, walking away with a 5-3 victory and their first playoff berth since 2017. Congrats to them, I guess.
For Miami, this wasn’t just a loss; it was a comedy of errors that should have its own blooper reel. The team has already punched its ticket to the postseason, but you wouldn’t know it from watching this debacle. It seems like the memo about “playing defense” got lost somewhere in the mail, probably next to Lionel Messi’s scoring touch, which has apparently gone on an early vacation.
How Did Miami Mess This Up?
The game started with all the defensive urgency of a sloth on a tranquilizer. Just 11 minutes in, Chicago’s Dje D’Avilla decided to test Miami’s aerial defense, or lack thereof, nodding in a header like he was practicing against training cones. It was a sign of things to come. Twenty minutes later, Jonathan Dean waltzed through Miami’s so-called defense on a breakaway, making it 2-0. At this point, you had to wonder if Miami’s defenders were just spectators who had won a contest to be on the field.
Tomás Avilés did manage to pull one back for Miami, giving the home crowd a brief glimmer of hope. But this is Inter Miami we’re talking about. Just before halftime, Rominigue Kouamé casually restored Chicago’s two-goal lead, sending a clear message: “No, really, we’re not going to defend tonight.”
The Suárez Show Was Almost Enough
The second half brought a plot twist, thanks almost entirely to one man: Luis Suárez. The veteran striker, apparently tired of watching his team play like they’d never seen a soccer ball before, decided to take matters into his own hands. He netted two goals, one assisted by his old buddy Jordi Alba, to tie the game at 3-3. For a moment, it looked like Miami might actually pull off an improbable comeback, papering over the cracks of their disastrous defending.
But alas, this is a story about Miami’s defense. With the game on the line, Chicago’s Justin Reynolds scored his first career goal in the 80th minute. Let that sink in. A guy who had never scored before found the net against this Miami defense. To add insult to injury, Brian Gutierrez tacked on another one three minutes later, sealing the 5-3 win and putting a merciful end to the madness.
What Does This Mean for the Playoff Hopes?
Look, Miami is in the playoffs. That part is settled. But if they play like this, their postseason run will be shorter than a TikTok video. Coach Javier Mascherano, to his credit, took the blame, admitting his strategy was a bit of a dumpster fire. He rotated the squad, swapping out nearly the entire defensive line except for Alba. The result? Chaos.
This loss also torpedoed any lingering dreams of winning the Supporters’ Shield. While the team has shown flashes of brilliance, particularly when Messi is on his game, their inconsistency is glaring. One game they look like world-beaters, the next they look like they’ve forgotten the basic rules of the sport.
As Miami limps toward the playoffs, they have some serious soul-searching to do. Relying on Suárez to score a hat-trick every game isn’t a sustainable strategy. They need to figure out how to defend, and fast. Otherwise, their playoff experience is going to be a very brief, very embarrassing one.
