NASCAR Adds Legendary Jeff Gordon to 2024 Playoff *Satire*

NASCAR

NASCAR has always found a way to get the big-name drivers in contention no matter how bad their car may be and this year is no different. NASCAR always favors the Earnhardts, Jimmie Johnson, or those darn Toyotas. No matter how much fans want to see a real competitive race NASCAR always has to get involved to make sure the popular hero wins to send the fans home happy or to enrage the fans by letting Kyle Busch or Denny Hamlin win or lord forbid Bubba Wallace has a good run.

NASCAR’s Wild Decision

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Due to Austin Dillon meeting Joey Logano and hooking Denny Hamlin into the outside wall to win the race at Richmond and punch his ticket to the playoffs, or so we thought. According to Fox Reporter Bob Pockrass NASCAR has deemed the moves by Dillon to impact the integrity of the sport greatly. Elton Sawyer the Senior Vice President of Competition told the media Tuesday:

The actions of Austin Dillon have greatly damaged the integrity of the sport and with that, we have to strip Austin Dillon of the win and take away his playoff berth. To make things right we will add Jeff Gordon to the playoff. He has earned the right to be in the playoffs and will look forward to seeing him drive for his fifth championship.

While Sawyer was making the statement Richmond Raceway and NASCAR Social Media teams had already incorporated the final at Richmond to every commercial for NASCAR and Richmond next season. Jeff Gordon has not raced since Martinsville in 2016 filling in for Dale Earnhardt Jr. who was out for a concussion. The Hall of Famer told Total Apex Sports in an interview after receiving the news of his unlikely playoff berth:

It really came as a shock at first and then I realized, oh yeah I’m Jeff Gordon, and when this great sport comes calling I will happily answer the call and dig out that old rainbow-colored fire suit and finish that drive for five.

The Fallout

Jeff Gordon has won Four championships and 93 races in his illustrious career and if anyone deserves that final shot it is NASCAR’s Rainbow Warrior. Since Hendrick Motorsports already has all four drivers in the playoffs they got a special waiver in the rulebook to allow a fifth cup team to race the rest of the schedule. Gordon will race in the number 88 Axalta Chevy.

Joey Logano still yelling Chicken S**t from pit road at Richmond realized his complaining after the race may have cost him dearly:

If I knew that NASCAR was going to add Jeff Gordon I would have kept my mouth shut instead of racing a chicken s**t now we have to contend with a legend in the sport, dang it man

Denny Hamlin shared the same sediment but some were thrilled to see Gordon make his return to the track. Chase Elliott told the media:

It’s great to have a legend like that on the track and racing for the championship, Gordon is a fierce competitor and I will do what I can to get him up to speed. Did I read that correctly Jeff? Oh wait I wasn’t supposed to say that.

NBC Sports is pleased with the decision as they hope to attract fans back to the sport and get some return on their investment in broadcasting the Cup Series and Xfinity series. Rick Hendrick the owner of Hendrick Motorsports and who owned Jeff Gordon’s car all those years told the media:

We had a chance in 2013 but it didn’t work out for Jeff. Now we have another chance at getting him that fifth championship now that Jimmie Johnson is completely out of it, this is Jeff’s best shot in decades.

Sawyer and other officials are scrambling to find other rules to help Gordon finish the drive for five. Sawyer reached out to WWE’s Head of Creative Paul Levesque (Triple H) and NFL’s Roger Goodell on how to script the end of the season. Other teams are scrambling to get ahold of former New England Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick on how to beat the scripts. The race within the race, we will have to see if someone can overcome the NASCAR once again rigging the system to give Gordon that fifth championship.

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