Welcome to the Missing Turnbuckle! The edition where we explore dream matches we most likely will never see in this universe. That’s saying something, of course. Because a “dream match,” by definition, is one that we most likely haven’t seen and won’t see for some time — but there’s still that lingering piece of us who believe we’ll see it in our lifetime!
This isn’t the case for these we’ll be discussing. There’s literally no way we’ll get to see these matches, most for obvious reasons, and others just because the timing won’t ever be right. For instance: Asuka Vs. Bull Nakano!
The Tale of the Tape
Just a disclaimer: this won’t be an exhaustive overview and analysis based on previous matches, scientific evaluation of key angles, mathematics, probability, or even a simulation running a match several thousand times! (Although I wish I had those resources).
Think of the Missing Turnbuckle as a “philosophical debate” on who would win based on empirical intrinsic knowledge of how pro wrestling works and references to other similar wrestlers as well. Everything from high flyin’ and brawlin’ — to tactical submission and basic grappling.
More importantly, I find it fun matching up wrestlers who seem to complement or compare to one another in interesting ways! And you see that with these two — for obvious reasons.
In This Corner, We Have Asuka!
The Empress of Tomorrow. Master of the Asuka Lock. A tactician. Multi-time champion. And all-around psychopath as you can see by the photo.
This isn’t uncommon for our female wrestlers, yet oftentimes we’re more used to the somewhat athletic and rather sexy personage. She may be quite the opposite, but as you can rightly see, this is a look that pays homage to many of the past in the history of pro wrestling.
Some might know that Asuka’s inspiration is, of course, the Great Muta. The Land of the Rising Sun loves pro wrestling as well, and this is no exception. The face paint. The mystery. The over-the-top sensationalism. We love to love it. But can someone like Asuka stand up to the likes of Bull Nakano? Maybe, maybe not.
What Asuka has a lot going for her is the fact that she’s fleet of foot, fast on the ropes, and can tie you up like a pretzel. That’s sort of her thing with the submissions she can lock on you. The question is…. Can she do that to just anyone? How about in this Asuka Vs. Bull Nakano match?
And on This Corner, We Have Bull Nakano!
To celebrate her recent induction into the WWE Hall of Fame for 2024, this one’s special for me as I distinctively remember from the historied annuls of my mind the likes of this bizarrely intimidating individual. As a pinnacle of what the Missing Turnbuckle is all about, it’s a matter of fact that Nakano’s been retired for quite some time (and did you know she was also a professional golfer? I didn’t!).
So seeing this Asuka Vs. Bull Nakano match ever? Pretty much not going to happen. But if it would happen, no doubt we’d want vintage Nakano at her prime, particularly when she was squaring off with Alundra Blayze back in the day of a certain WWE SummerSlam PPV.
She’s not unlike some female wrestlers of the heavier set, and we love to see these mama bears tussle in the ring. They’re imposing. Even scary. Others out there have existed.
- Aja Kong
- Awesome Kong
- Nia Jax
They’re the Andre the Giants of the female wrestling world. There’s something about just one of these beasts throwing other women around like paperweights that just gets me riled up. No doubt Nakano probably could throw Asuka around just as easily. The Empress may find plenty of challenges dealing with a true martial artist the size of a mountain.
But here’s the thing — as imposing as someone like Bull Nakano is, and as far into Hell as she would take some wrestlers by the scruff of their necks, you can’t escape this important fact about Asuka Vs. Bull Nakano match:
It’s Asuka for the Win! (By a Hair — Nakano’s Hair, of Course)
And why? What’s Asuka known for? Her submission specialty.
Of course, that’s not all Asuka can do. She strikes, she grapples, she flies off the turnbuckles. But once she’s done all that, she puts her stamp of approval on any match with a tried-and-true submission move. She did this many times on well-known female wrestlers —
- Charlotte Flair
- Becky Lynch
- Ember Moon
And, of course, Nia Jax herself!
Each and every one of those opponents tapped out to Asuka’s patented lock. This plays a major role for me.
We see it a lot for our dominators of the sport. We witnessed it with AJ Lee and her Black Widow. We see it with Charlotte’s Figure-Eight. We relished Paige’s PTO. Becky Lynch had her Disarm-Her. Sasha Bank’s Bank Statement was all we needed to watch.
Something about a lady making another lay tapping out was always just gravy, not to mention these divas would divine their own spin on some classic concoctions, mainly because in general you’d find them being way more ‘flexible’ than the male wrestlers we love to watch.
(Just try and imagine Undertaker doing a Black Widow submission move. Won’t happen.)
And call me crazy…. But I’d have to call this Asuka Vs. Bull Nakano match this way, particularly if I were on announcement. There, I said it:
Asuka wins.
Post Wrap-Up of the Asuka Vs. Bull Nakano Match
Well, you lovely people let me know what you think! I want to hear anyone else’s opinions as this spans a lifelong generation of wrestling styles and eras. It’s just plain fun. And, again, hats off to Nakano for her induction, and she will always have a warm place in my heart.
But just know — and now I’m directing my words to the great Bull Nakano herself — if you were slated for the illustrious Asuka Vs. Bull Nakano match, you know you’d give her a tremendous amount of pain and hell that would make her scream like an oriental banshee from the Suicide Forest….
But once she slaps on that Asuka lock, well…. Let’s just say the Empress of Tomorrow gets to see tomorrow by the skin of her teeth. That’s nothing to be ashamed of! That’s just the way this WWE cookie crumbles.
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